I would understand

Emotions are kind of tricky.  No matter how many times we finally get ourselves over that hurtle, it always seems to come back again, and again.  It'd be really nice if once we beat one of those difficult times, that they would just stay gone, but that usually doesn't happen.

I spend a lot of time watching and listening to the people around me.  I watch my friends interact with each other, I watch couples interact.  People tend to end up self-sabotaging themselves a lot.  They let little small insecurities with themselves swallow them up, and the backlash is typically what some people might call "crazy", but really, it's just normal.

This can happen with all sorts of stuff. We can let this effect our relationships, our work, and our confidence.  I have a couple things I want to cover today, so go grab yourself a coffee or tea, maybe a muffin, and snuggle in ladies and gents.

Confidence. Defined by google is: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.  Confidence is something that I usually have a lot of, or, at least that is what a lot of people would say.  I think some of us forget how many emotions well up inside of us, and if not cared for, can lead us down a wrong path.  I am an accounting student, not the best, but certainly not the worst.  I've won awards, I’m certified in most Microsoft applications, I'm in my 3rd year, technically, and I recently applied for an internship at Eide Bailly and made it through the preliminary application process.  I was 1 of about 40 who made it through the process, which was out of around 250+ people.  I should feel pretty good right?  You're right, I should, that is a big deal.  I feel honored to have even made it through that process, but am I confident that I will get it, I don't know.  I mean technically I should, I've won plenty of awards for my accounting skills.  I spent the last few days chatting over and over again with fiancée about it, but when we first started having that conversation, it wasn't a very positive one on my side.

My biggest problem is that I don't have full faith in my abilities.  Not that I think I am terrible, because I recognize my abilities, but I always assume other individuals have my skill set, plus more, so why pick me for something when there is someone with so much more to offer than I?

That, is my problem, and I’m going to go ahead and guess that some of you probably feel this way too.  But here is the thing, that honestly, really isn't that true.  Sure someone somewhere more than likely may be a bit better than you at something, but that someone is far and few between.  What you have to offer, is actually pretty huge and you shouldn't limit yourself, just because you lack a little confidence.  The best thing I can do to help guide you through this, is find something you are confident about, no matter what it is, and cherish it.  Make it your own, and don't ever let anyone take it away from you.  What's that?  Sounds ridiculous, well, challenge accepted my friend!  Over the years I've felt like I described above, but I decided that I needed to stop feeling that way and in an attempt to build some stability, I did exactly what I advised to you.  For me, it is my hair.  My hair is amazing, and beautiful, show me another male with hair this good!  ...okay, so maybe it is pretty ridiculous, but, it’s the small things that help get you through the day.  But it really does work!  I always just tell myself that my hair is wonderful, but honestly, if you have confidence in something, it is going to show.  The best compliment I ever received was a guy I worked with told me "Chuck, you have Asian hair.", now you might be wondering why I took that as a compliment, but in my opinion Asians, Koreans, and Japanese often have wonderfully styled hair, and good fashion!  So I was really excited to think someone thought my hair style was really good.

I received that compliment like 2 years ago, but it still sits with me today.  We all have things that stay with us like that, and you should hold them close, they will help you.  If you know you can do something, and your mind keeps throwing up roadblocks, just know you can drive right through them.

Now on to the heavier topic, the "crazy" as society has so loving put it.

Relationships are a wonderful and beautiful thing.  I truly believe that man was never meant to be alone, and while some of us may be alone currently, it won't stay that way.  Relationships are about trust, true.  Trust and love are so important in any relationship.  But sometimes our love mutates from love into something that looks like and feels like love, but it’s really jealousy, fear, worry, doubt, and many other things.  What happens, is that we become so in tune and attached to our relationships, that we cannot think about living without them, which is of course fine.  But, what happens is that our small insecurities with ourselves start to feed off our love and fuel the reason for jealousy and worry.

Something, that I strongly believe happens a lot, is that we forget why our partners are with us.  If you are in a real, honest relationship, you two are there for one another as best as you can be.  Now, while you in your heart know that you love your partner and you want to be there and will be there no matter what, we often forget that our partner feels the same way.  I'll admit, I have let my "crazy" get a hold of me.  I let my insecurities and worries break my spirit, and I did not handle it very well.  A good while ago this happened to me, and what happened is that she would go out with friends to the bar, guy friends, and what would happen to me is that I would let my mind think too much.  I would over think things, and then I'd be calling her more frequently, and then once bar close happened if I hadn't received a call I would be calling her, if she hadn't come right home, I'd be calling her.  One night she was out all night with a very good friend of mine.  Now sure, Chukkaque, you should trust your fiancée, girlfriend at the time, and your friend.  You're right, I should have, but when you're in that moment, when "love" is mutated into jealousy and your trust is crumbling in front of you, it is not so easy to apply that knowledge.  That was my "crazy" and to this day, I make sure I never forget that.

The point is, that while a small portion of jealousy is indeed normal and okay, do your best to never let it rule you.  Your partner is with you for a reason.  They like who you are, they love you.  They decided to be with you because they wanted to be.  It wasn't like, you went to the store, bought a partner, and now have to worry about it running away.  If you honestly feel like you have to worry or watch your partner so they don't run away, you don't have a relationship and you should get out of whatever that is right away because you deserve something real.

I went to a wedding this last weekend.  It was for a good friend of mine, and while I never really saw much of him and his fiancée, at the time, together, at the wedding, you could see and feel the love and strength between them.  I knew this guy for a few years, good guy.  He always talked about 5 things: Lunch, LoL, McDonalds, Yugioh, and Carrie.  We took a trip to Florida together for school, and I will admit I poked fun at him a couple times for what I called "needing to check in" with her, but really, no matter where we went, she was always his top priority.  Looking back at it, I am truly impressed with the level of dedication he puts into his relationship, and I think a lot of people could learn a thing or two from their relationship, I did.

That brings us to this last point.  Facebook, twitter, phones, whatever, are just social media.  If something is bothering you, talk to your partner, and if they really care, they will hear you out.  Now, here is the thing, a lot of people feel attacked or insulted when you attempt to talk to them, and while there is no real "easy" way to talk about it, you just need to.  Relationships are about compromise, and more often than not, its easy compromise.  As a guy, we often think that what we do isn't wrong.  Sure, I'm chatting up another girl, not a big deal cause in my mind, it doesn't mean anything.  But to your partner, it doesn't always come off like that, they have their own insecurities and things that they worry about, and I am not saying "HEY IDIOT, stop talking to the opposite, stop liking girls/guys stuff on facebook and twitter", because that would be ridiculous and more closer to the concept of controlling, what I am talking about, is courtesy and compromise.  Sure, if you are a guy and in a long term relationship, you should not just go off randomly on a whim and hang out with a girl.  While it might mean nothing to you and you just hung out for fun, it is usually unlikely that your partner is going to feel that way.  In fact I’m willing to bet she would've at least like to know about it, before it happened, and vice versa for guys.

Compromise, trust, and confidence are the themes of this blog, these are the things I want you to walk away understanding more of.  There is no diagram showing you exactly how something be.  The only thing that works is sitting down and talking about things and figuring out what is okay for both of you in your relationship.  My last example for this, while it may be a sensitive topic, I believe it is a good example. If you are a guy and your girlfriend decides it is totally okay for her to be physical with another girl, while dating you, in my opinion that is not okay.  I mean, unless you two sat down and decided that it was something both of you are okay, then year sure, it’s perfectly.  Like I said, rough example, but it works.

Believe in yourself and your talents, you might think that if people really get to know you that you won't be good enough, but really, what you have to share is pretty huge, share it.

Trust is something should believe in, even if you doubt yourself, and wonder why someone might be with you, they believe in you, so trust their opinion and believe in yourself.

Compromise and understanding are a large part of your relationship, no one care truly tell you whether your relationship is good or not, and if you have to ask, it probably isn't, you just don't want to fully admit it yourself.  Never stop talking to your partner, and make sure to be receptive if they come to you.

Feel free to reach out if you would like me to cover more topics, go more in depth about anything, or if you just need advice, I am happy to help.