You know, I really enjoy writing blogs. I've written more than one, I enjoy spending my time writing and sharing whats on my mind. I get asked by a bunch of different people to write up stuff. "Oh chuck, that is really good advice, I wish you had a blog about your advice for women." "Chuck, you should write a blog giving relationship advice!", "Chuck you should give people life tips and pick me ups!", so, I finally decided I would go ahead and do one.
So this is a page for all of you regular people out there. By that I don't mean, what society deems regular. I mean, an average joe, someone just trying to get through life with their mind in tact. A regular person who worries about bills, work, school, family, what other people think (even if they openly say that they dont care, but secretly do) just people like you and me.
My name is Chuck. I live in an average city size called Fargo/Moorhead. I go to school full time, I go to work full time, Im planning a wedding, Im a writer, I like the beach, I enjoy grilling, I like spending time with friends, I like games, I like movies and more. Is that too positive? Alright. I replay events over and over again in my head, I constantly hate the way my body looks, I think Im fat, I think my hair looks stupid, I hate the way I sound on the phone, I hate the way I look in videos and photos, I dont think im good enough for most anything, I think im terrible at the things I am actually good at, I start things and then never finish them, I think im constantly selfish even if Im not, I am self sabotaging, I am neurotic, I constantly think that people that are my friends dont actually like me, I dont think someone can ever actually love me for me. I'm not telling you this so you can say "oh big deal, you have your good, and you have your bad, just like everyone else, congratulations." Im sharing this with you so you understand, that we have stuff in common, without even meeting one another. Honestly, we probably have a fair amount in common outside of common interests. I am like you, just a regular person, trying to make it through the harshness that life can dish out some days.
I want to help other people like myself, and maybe even help myself a little bit. Life is rough, people never want to seem out of place, which is ironic because while most say "Be different" "dont change" "Be who you are" "Stand out", the real general consensus is that while we all want to be independent and different, we all want to fit in. Pretty backwards right? Well, you'll find most of things in life are just...backwards. Heres an example for myself. I am the type of person who grew up and had kind of a rough childhood. Not because my parents were drunks, or mean, but because kids are just jerks. I had my ups and downs, trust issues, and thats where I am today. I am a 24, almost 25, year old male who is vastly independent. I do things on my own, I spend time on my own, and I want to be left alone, I rarely ask for help because I am just too stubborn and believe that if I can't save myself from drowning, to just let me drown then. BUT Im really just waiting for someone to make it through my rough exterior and want to push and actually try to get know who I am and what makes me tick. Backwards right? Yup, you'll find that a lot of people are like that. Or, you will find that someone has tons of friends, is bubbly and happy, always running on cloud 9, yet they never seem able to hang out once the work day ends? Yeah, its cause they make it so they're left alone. Yup, its backwards. Now, keep in mind, that there are exceptions to essentially every single scenario, and while I am going to talk about whatever comes to mind mostly, its going to reflect on what I think is the general population versus those who are the minority.
Life is messy, its just a big ball of frustration, but, there is a lot of good surrounding us too. Now, before you read any further, Im not going to sit here and tell you that, the glass is always half full, or, live like its your last day alive. No one has time to be doing stuff like that. The general amount of us, understand what these motivational sayings mean, but we don't apply that information. "Live, like its your last day." Well, okay, sure, thanks motivational saying. I would love to live like its my last day. I would eat ribs/steak all day, play video games, tell everyone exactly what I thought of them, not go to work, and take a nap on the lake. BUT, turns out, the world is NOT ending tomorrow so I actually have to keep living life like I do, so that sucks. However, we can take those small steps to incorporate the meaning behind what they're saying.
Its not easy though, you're gonna make mistakes, you will screw it up, you'll forget, life happens, its whatever. Just remember that when you do mess up, don't kick the crap out of yourself, just get back on it. If you find you keep making mistakes, well, you just need to be a little more strict on yourself. I personally believe that you should make promises and goals for yourself, and hold them true. In my opinion, if you cannot keep a promise to yourself, why should anyone trust you to keep a promise at all? Oh, you might be thinking "Yeah Chuck, I doubt you do this." FALSE. I've been listening to my fiance complain at me for almost 3 months now because I refuse to go horseback riding. Why you ask? Because when I was 16 I promised myself I would never go horseback riding until I could wear Link's Tunic from Zelda, and then, and only then, would I go horseback riding. People will also tell me "Come on Chuck, Promise me that the vikings will win the super bowl." Nope, Im not doing that. I am not going to promise something I can not guarantee. Okay, using the Vikings is probably a bad example, fine. "Chuck, please promise me you will always answer the phone when I call you." Nope, Im not promising that. Why? Uh, well, I do have my phone on me most of the time, however, there are times where it is on silent, or I leave it in my room, or I occasionally forget it in my car or room, or I am working. So no, Im not going to promise that, I will promise that I will answer it IF I hear/see you are calling. I honestly have got into a few arguments because of these things, but, I promised myself I wouldn't make promises I can't keep, and I wouldn't ride a horse unless dressed like Link.
Anyways, a lot of the time, our friends are great. We can rely on them, call on them, they're always there when we need them. But, Im going to guess you have your friends that are jerks, put you down, and are hardly something you would actually call, a friend. Yeah, same here. The part that sucks the most, is that those people can end up hitting you with some hard blows to the self esteem. Now, don't get me wrong. Good friends should always be allowed to reality check you if you're doing something ridiculous, or stuck in a bad rut. But to just put you down because they think it is funny? Yeah, that's not really okay, and we all have "friends" that do that.
My example is this. I try and update my wardrobe every couple years. I like fashion, but Im not going to drop a few hundred dollars just update my wardrobe every season. But when I do, I want to dress how I want to dress. Now for me, I am very self conscious about my image. I don't want to look fat, I want to look good and appealing. I don't want to look like a model either though, thats going to end up being a whole different blog at some point, but I want to feel comfortable in what I wear. My fiance is super supportive and she really makes me feel good about what I decide to wear and she makes me feel great about how I look, and some days, I actually believe what she says. But, the majority of us take the compliment, but never apply the thought behind it. "oh, they're just complimenting me to be nice, I dont want to seem crazy or depressing, so im just gonna say thank you, even though I really hate how I look in this, I hate my body" blah blah blah. Yeah, the majority of us say those same things to ourselves and just knock ourselves down over and over again. But what sucks even more, is that when you finally do get far enough along that you're like "Yeah I look good, I feel good, all right!" and then you end up hanging out with some "friends" and for the most part, no one even really cares that you've got new clothes. "Cool belt dude!" "Yeah man its new!" "Dude nice hoodie." "Yeah bro, $80, but I like it." and thats usually that. But you always have that one troll of a friend "Really, you want to wear a tight shirt like that, look at yourself." It's like, people don't seem to understand that things like that suck. I am one of those guys that you will meet who act and come off as someone who doesn't care what other people think, someone who is confident, etc. but really, Im just as self conscious as anyone else, I hate a lot of the things about me. So when someone says something like that, joking or not, it can really hit someone critically to the core, and that is exactly how it ends up effecting me. And yeah, I wasn't exactly super friendly back after that kind of comment. I try not to judge people or insult them for their decisions or choices in life, but when you start insulting me, I get defensive.
That is another reason why I decided to actually dedicate some time to writing this blog. We need to be reminded that people like that, we don't need them in our lives, even if they have been there for along time. Friends don't knock friends down, and with friends like that who would really need enemies. If you have someone like that in your life I want you to understand, that they really are no friend to you. I don't care if you hang out and have friends in common. If they want to insult you and put you down just for fun, that is not okay, especially when it comes to stuff that really eats away at you and makes you hate yourself.
Anyways, if you are like me, you did not read most of this, so I will just summarize what was said.
My names Chuck, we probably have a lot in common, dont think so, see paragraph 3. Life sucks, we all have "friends" that are just tools and put us down for no reason. Stop having friends like that, they suck, you're better than that.
Great you're all caught up! Anyways, the point of these blogs is to give you a little pick me up, a reminder that there are people who think like you and do feel like you do. You can be surrounded by nothing but people and still just feel so alone in the world. Well good news my friend, you are not alone. We all feel like we're drowning at some point, I feel like it right now myself. But I will work through it, and you can too! But you don't have to feel so alone. I hope these help you guys, and feel free to reach out to me. Ask questions, leave comments, if you need/want advice, even for a friend *wink*, just ask, and I will write to you. I am here for you guys.
Well good luck this week and remember; you're not alone.
Sincerely,
The Q man
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